Kris Straub

View Original

Saw It For You: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Tagline. Where Indiana Jones go one, we go all.

Synopsis. The famed archaeologist returns one last time to search for the Dial of Destiny, a fabled artifact that allows users to “turn back the clock” on bladder elasticity loss.

Trivia

  • ILM spent over $40 million on the special effects technology that allowed them to de-age a reanimated Harrison Ford.

  • Indiana Jones 5 sees a methodological shift for the title character, who now invites the Nazis to an open debate on what should be done with ancient magical relics.

  • Director’s trademark. An old man solemnly lowering his head, brim of his hat covering his face in an iconic silhouette, followed by very loud and wet throat-clearing.

  • Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s character, “Helena Shaw,” was originally written to be Harrison Ford’s younger love interest, then rewritten as a daughter-in-law/love interest, then finally as a goddaughter, which is familial enough but still provides enough latitude for getting to second base.

  • Terms of the Trade. The press kit for Indiana Jones 5 celebrates the movie’s “improvised stuntwork” but that just means “accidents.”

  • Indy 5 features a callback to Raiders of the Lost Ark, as Indy realizes he can draw swastikas on anything he wants God to set fire to.

  • Director’s trademark. Indy renouncing Antifa.

Mistakes

  • Indiana Jones is frequently seen napping in the background throughout the movie’s 2h22m runtime.

  • Incorrectly Regarded as Mistake. Indy is retiring from his position at “Hunter College,” while all the previous films showed him teaching at “Marshall College.” However, it is possible Indy was fired from Marshall as a result of their extreme leftist agenda to turn students into adrenochrome-gulping pedophiles.

  • Continuity Mixup. When Indy walks past the Confederate statues and remarks that “[tearing] these down would mean forgetting an important part of our American heritage,” his Prager U canteen holster switches shoulders between shots.

  • Invented in ancient Greece to predict astronomical motion, the Antikythera Mechanism would not be forward-compatible with a 7.62x51mm NATO 5-round magazine.

  • While a person from 200 BC might be able to intuit the meaning of certain English phrases, Archimedes would not have readily understood the term “cum county piss-fucks.”

  • A police horse could not outrun the pyroclastic flow from a volcano (~200 MPH), even if it was “specially trained for volcano work.”

  • VFX Goof. In the train crash scene, the de-aged Indy’s eyes widen in surprise. However, the widening does not stop, and in subsequent scenes Indy has a single 360-degree eyeball occupying the top half of his face.

Memorable Quotes.

Indy. This kind of technology shouldn’t be possible now… let alone 200 BC.
Helena. No wonder the Nazis were decades ahead of us in cryptocurrency.

Voller. It’s over, Jones! Give me the Dial!
Indy. It belongs… on the marketplace… of ideas!

Sallah. But drawing a swastika on the swastikator could create a God-fire paradox that will annihilate the Relic Dimension.
Indy. It’s a chance we've got to take.

Indy. Because I’m Indiana Jones, you cum county piss-fucks.
— last line of the movie